Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see….
— John lennon
Humans are dreaming all the time.
The reward feels good, and we keep doing what others want us to do in
order to get the reward. With that fear of being punished and that fear of not
getting the reward, we start pretending to be what we are not, just to please
others, just to be good enough for someone else. We try to please Mom and
Dad, we try to please the teachers at school, and so we start acting. We pretend to be what we are not because we are afraid of
being rejected. The fear of being rejected becomes the fear of not being good
enough. Eventually we become someone that we are not.
We know we are not what we believe we are supposed to be and so we feel
false, frustrated, and dishonest. We try to hide ourselves, and we pretend to be
what we are not. The result is that we feel unauthentic and wear social masks to
keep others from noticing this.
In your whole life nobody has ever abused you more than you have abused
yourself. And the limit of your self-abuse is exactly the limit that you will
olerate from someone else. If someone abuses you a little more than you abuse
yourself, you will probably walk away from that person. But if someone abuses
you a little less than you abuse yourself, you will probably stay in the
relationship and tolerate it endlessly.
If you abuse yourself very badly, you can even tolerate someone who beats
you up, humiliates you, and treats you like dirt. Why? Because in your belief
system you say, “I deserve it. This person is doing me a favor by being with
me. I’m not worthy of love and respect. I’m not good enough.”
We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot
accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will
experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection
comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring
up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves; it is
why we don’t accept ourselves the way we are, and why we don’t accept others the way they are.
Stop being quacks in one’s foot whatever the situation is, as little fire is quickly trodden out.
Be real and practice what you preach.